Nothing to do with the Bible.

Condoms, Now 100% More Offensive to Catholics

As if contraception didn't have the world of Catholicism angry enough, you can now purchase the "Hail Mary Rubber". This jimmy hat comes equipped with a built-in rosary-shaped set of beads that you can use to say your Our Fathers and Hail Marys while you have blaspheming safe intercourse. Remember the Eleventh Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Use a Condom. But rest assured, with this new item you can start your penance early and only spend half an eternity rotting in hell.

Biblical Proportions

When you see a curly fry of this magnitude, it makes you fairly certain that the end-time is drawing nigh. I'm pretty sure that the bible mentions something about death riding a pale horse and carrying a really big curly fry. I could also be thinking about that Clint Eastwood movie where he's a priest. Either way, prepare yourself for the end and bring extra catsup.