Start Your Own Business, No Intelligence Required!

Now you too can be your own boss! Start a business today. Here are the things you won't need to get started:

1. Apostrophes
2. Actual English Words
3. Copyright Infringement Lawyers
4. Dignity
   
   

I am the devil.

So after not logging onto AIM in oh, 3 years or so, I was rather bored today and decided to log onto the express version. Well there is a tab that lets you see how many buddy lists your on. Needless to say my popularity from high school and such was larger than i thought, and it turns out I am either the devil or have my own personal bar in Hell. I covered up the name in the slight chance we can keep it like that as long as possible.

FBJ?

What has happened to our society? When your severed, frozen head isn't safe from dick, you know we are a civilization in decline.

Where the Hell am I???

Let me see. Should I head towards the known (read Seaside Trail) or the unknown? What exactly is awaiting me if I head to the right? Lesbian snail tracks? A path to Arrakis? Counterfeit batman apparel? The decision seems pretty simple to me. I'll take the road less traveled. The road right the fuck out of here. I'll leave the sand worm riding lesbos to discover their capes are fake. They can have the spice...

Motivation for Slow Learners

Is your child having trouble reading at a fifth grade level? Are basic mathematics too difficult for your son or daughter? We have the key to your child's success. A hot money shot ricocheting off their face. Nothing motivates underachievers more than the threat of being covered in semen. We'll have your child reading in minutes. Just dial 1-800-KUM-ONME to setup an appointment.

Not Funny!

Thought you had too many friends?

....well apparently the bitch on channel 131 has an assload of friends. The pigeons wont even leave her alone. I wanted to combine the two shows in large hopes that when i clicked it, it would turn out to be just a 2 hour show on that pigeon whore from Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. I never got that wish. As for channel 132. Fuck, thats just depressing. Unless she's hot.

Nothing to do with the Bible.

Condoms, Now 100% More Offensive to Catholics

As if contraception didn't have the world of Catholicism angry enough, you can now purchase the "Hail Mary Rubber". This jimmy hat comes equipped with a built-in rosary-shaped set of beads that you can use to say your Our Fathers and Hail Marys while you have blaspheming safe intercourse. Remember the Eleventh Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Use a Condom. But rest assured, with this new item you can start your penance early and only spend half an eternity rotting in hell.

Biblical Proportions

When you see a curly fry of this magnitude, it makes you fairly certain that the end-time is drawing nigh. I'm pretty sure that the bible mentions something about death riding a pale horse and carrying a really big curly fry. I could also be thinking about that Clint Eastwood movie where he's a priest. Either way, prepare yourself for the end and bring extra catsup.